This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize