why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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