I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
