After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Text me some of your sweat
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
