dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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