I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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