hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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