He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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