I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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