i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
