I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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