Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
