Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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