glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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