he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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