Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
