ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
