I didn't shave. On purpose
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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