So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
