I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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