It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
