You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
