Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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