My brain says no but my pants say off.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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