Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
