Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Non-Jews are for practice
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
