Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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