It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
