high people should be assigned attendants
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
