I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
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You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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