Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
