you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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