Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
