you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
