it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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