Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
