Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
