so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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