im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
