You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
