I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
