i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
