You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
