he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love having hate sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Drunk is not a location!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
