someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
