I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
