Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
