So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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