The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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