All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Couch. On fire.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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