remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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