Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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