$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
