I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
