i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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