Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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