I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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