he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
