Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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