Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
