i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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